Interventions

So I tend to have a little bit of an anxiety problem. I over-analyze, I worry, I furrow my brow, I talk through all of the options, I make lists, I over-think decisions, and I can never let go once I make one. It's so bad that poor M constantly has to tell me to quit worrying and that everything will work out fine. All of this comes with frequent freak-outs. I think perhaps I should rename my blog "Frequent Freak-outs" instead of "JDMBAPrincess." (Then again, it would take me 5 years to make that decision, so scratch that.)

Anyhow, during finals, I also turn into an attention-whore. I demand constant reassurance from M that law school is the hardest thing EVER, including implications that his job is not nearly as stressful. (He is constantly working every day from 8am until nearly midnight, balancing the demands of both his client and his firm.) Needless to say, he is usually less than thrilled with this idea and I end up getting upset and give him the third degree, attempting to delve into his psyche at 2am. M listens patiently and speaks calmly to me. Then I freak out because surely if he didn't respond immediately to my fishing expedition, he must seriously under-appreciate me. For an added bonus, I also manage to freak myself out because I must have upset him since he did not immediately assuage my frantically voiced fears, and I don't want him to think I'm like this all the time. Surely finals are the source of this fear and loathing in law school and I have to make him understand that, so I try to explain, but manage to do nothing but exacerbate the problem, which, of course, is all in my head.

Ugh. So the night before my last final, I was going crazy. We're talking nuts. I had cried nearly the whole afternoon - the stress, the anxiety, the relief - you name it, I felt it. CJ, JWD and I were studying for our Estate Planning final at their place, and I was nearing my breaking point, which I felt I had already hit, so who knows what was next.

JWD: I think you need to go home and go to bed...
Me: I just need to understand this.
CJ: Yeah, hun, I think you need some rest.
Me: Well, hang on, let me just type this one thing down before I forget. *clickity clackity* *pause* Am I really that bad?
JWD: Well, *pause, pause* you're a bit on edge.
Me: Oh. Well can we just talk about this one thing?

I was informed that they were performing an intervention, and that I was not to harass my poor boyfriend until after finals, at which point I was to be so nice as to compensate for exacting the effects my finals stress on him. Now, I personally don't think that's possible, and although I did harass him more before finals was over, I am not on a mission to prove it was just the craziness of finals that turned my general anxiety into a Mrs. Hyde level of uncontrollable insanity.